Plank Parenting

 

planking-bear
Current mood

 

I’m writing this on Sunday – the day after the night before. I enjoyed one of my now tri(!)-annual social evenings – social meaning going out and getting as drunk as financially, physically and spiritually possible. But that was a long time ago. Now I want to die.

Hangovers get worse as one gets older, that’s a given. But hangovers with kids are stupendously awful. From being woken up about 5 hours too early, to having to suffer a child’s new gun sound (“pew, pew, pew”) running on an octave higher than my sonic pain threshold. It’s a living nightmare! I can do nothing except lie on the sofa or floor, fingers in ears, eyes closed, praying of being alone. But I have to entertain these little horrors.

Necessity is the mother of invention. My kids want to play with me and I just want to lie down all day. Solution: play games that require you to lie down.

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Bum Surfing

Actually, my brother and I ‘invented’ this game as kids. I guess it’s similar to a bucking bronco but a rather gentler version. One person (today, that’s me of course) lies down on his/her front. The other – the surfer – stands on the bum of the ‘surfboard’. The surfboard then rocks side to side, trying to upend the surfer. Lots of fun but best played in a soft area and at your own risk. The author accepts no responsibility for injuries to either party.

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Cover Daddy

Here, I lie in a strange position on the floor and the game participants grab whatever they can find to completely cover me. Of course, I can wiggle a hand or a foot loose to make the game more interesting (longer). The idea is to incapacitate the ‘monster’. After they’ve almost piled half the house on me, it’s fun to just lie under the mess, building tension, a quiet before the storm, and then roaring up and chasing them around the house.

Roll Over

An easy one, and fun for young kids who really like to test their strength. Just lie on your front (or back) and adamantly refuse to roll over, despite how hard they push and pull you. Based on the age of your kids, this can take ten minutes or ten hours.

Grab

A variation on Roll Over. I hide something small and squishy – like a cushion or a cuddly toy – under my belly and they have to try and grab it. Requires a little more tactical nous, and that means can take a little longer.

Daddy’s sick! Get him a …

No, not another beer. But this game is a variation on a scavenger hunt. Daddy is sick in his bed and he needs five (ten? Twenty?!) completely random items in the house to get better – a peppermill, a harmonica, a tennis ball, you get the idea. This gives you the perfect opportunity to moan and groan your hangover away, while your kids run havoc in the house. Can your little hunters get them all before the clock reaches, oh let’s see if this can go on until bathtime!

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